Integration

This is what wiktionary says:

Integration (plural

integrations)

1. The act or proce

ss of making whole or entire.

2. (society) The process of fitting into a community, nota

bly applied to 'visible' (ethnic, immigrant...) minorities

3. (calculus) The operation of finding the integral of a function.

4. (biology) In evolution, the process by which

the manifold is compacted into the relatively simple and permanent; supposed to alternate with differentiation as an agent in species' development.

I think for the sake of this article I’ll stick to explanation 1 and 2. So what does it mean to make something whole or entire? I will have to work a little bit on feeling whole again and that brings me nicely to Point 2 ... the process of fitting into a community.

Ok does anyone ever really fit into a community? Is there the slightest possibility that we still are individuals and as such thinking our own thoughts? Ok we are all highly influences by the society that socialised us yet I would like to believe that I’m not alone feeling that I don’t really fit into any society perfectly.

Although I do feel more like coming home into my new chosen residence of Norway than entering a new unknown society but there are still so many things that are hard to swallow.

The first is that: You will not be taken seriously if you cannot speak the language!

You have to open up and make the first steps at networking.

The second one is the point that mortifies me! I never feel that I have too many interesting things to give to people so why should they be interested in me introducing myself to them. I suppose i have a bit of a self consciousness glitch there; however I am surrounded by people who are so highly educated, with impressive CV’s and life experiences.

HMMMM .... lots to think!

Drifting off into nothingness????

Ok today is the 1st April and it's been a long time since my last post.

I'm just listening to Muse - United States if Eurasia. The song made me realise that I'm sort of drifting into my sleep state again. It is so easy to get stuck in your routines and let life overtake you. I had promised myself not to let that happen ever again.

“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar

I love this one and this is what I need to practice. Everyday like my shower and brushing teeth.

Euphoria and Confusion

What a blissful state! In some ways... at least I am straight out refusing to let any negative thoughts taint my mind. I do no longer believe creativity is born from grief. I used to believe that.

Now I think that creativity comes out of an imbalance; that is not negative because without imbalances there would be no reason for improvement or change. So I’m imbalanced ... Yep!

Right back to the reason why I’m refusing to let negativity get to me! There are far too many good, nice, pretty or plain beautiful things around to concentrate on the negatives. This morning 11^th March I was standing on the platform of the train station in Hellvik in my new home country of Norway and it was snowing ... the world was white the sky a dark kind threatening grey, it was cold and the snow actually stuck to the ground!

My first reaction was ... “oh for crying out loud can we please have spring now!” Then I stood there for another little while and the birds were singing so loudly as if to protest against my thought. The birds don’t care if there’s a bit of snow ... they are much too busy finding love! So I decided that’s a good place to be ...I’m gonna join the birds!

Love you guys ... and thank you for reading

After Euphoria comes confusion!

Oh my Goodness!! I want so much! Now that I’ve discovered that I’ve been more asleep than awake for so many years ... I really feel like a teenager ... so alive and feeling all sorts of emotions but so endlessly confused. I don’t know where to start. I am feeling overwhelmed by all the things I’d like to do. Maybe I would feel better if I started listing them:

Dance

Go to a Muse concert

Write ... get the courage to be read!

Help people

Be a better mum for my adorable kids

Have a baby girl

Continue to love my lovely husband and give him what he deserves

Be creative

Teach people

Complete a triathlon

Slim to a fit weight

Yeah I want to express myself in some way and don’t yet know how!

There is so much beauty here in this country I want to enjoy it to the fullest

Go for a several day trek from hytte to hytte

Enjoy music again

I-phone

MUSE

Oh how i love the music...

yeah and I know I've missed around 100 years of my life! And about a million concerts I could have gone to without having to share the space with 80,000people! Hmmm How could this possibly go past me! Sooo sad! No use crying over spilled milk ... i guess.

Seriously now... how for the love of whoever is out there... can you live your life on 1/2 burner ... ok I know this is probably a direct German translation but it works for me.

Time for wakies!!!! Big time. As already mentioned maybe this is how fantastic it feels to enter midlife crisis but could anybody offer me the opportunity to let my hair down... please and soon.

Preferably something to do with darkness a dancefloor and lots of MUSE!

Thanks in advance.. and .. oh yeah ... love you guys!!!!!

What am I going to do now????????

I’ve read the books twice, I’ve watched the movies, I’ve downloaded whatever music videos I could find and I am still hopelessly lost in this Vampire world! It doesn’t feel like I’m anywhere close to emerging from this haze.

It’s driving me mad.... maybe this is what it feels like to start Midlife crises??? Feels too good though! Although my dear husband doesn’t exactly appreciate the time I’m spending on the books and all the rest ... he’s getting his fair share of fun out of it. For whatever reason the depth of feelings that I have for the fictional characters are seriously rubbing off on the real world! Happy days!

I would like to reach so many people who I know are in a similar situation as i used to be. Only because there are responsibilities and an overwhelming amount of things to remember does not mean that you have to stop living.

Kids are life ...live it with them! A partner who loves you is the best thing (next to Edward Cullen) that can happen to you! Love back with passion and not with shame and self consciousness! And most of all be you and love yourself! Be grateful for the things you have... that definitely is the first step to creating your own little perfect world.

Love you! And I actually mean it .... Even those people who I have met before and used to hold a huge grudge towards ... You made me stronger ... thank you for that.

Twilight Saga - Guilty Pleasures

hmmmm.... is there an age limit for being totally mad about the whole Twilight Thing? I hope not because I'm on my 2nd round of reading the books and definitely not 17 anymore!

The Twilight books have somehow awoken something in me, that was dormant for a long time. I think I was under a blanket of sense and reason triggered by having kids and responsibility and all of the normal stuff that happens.

Thank you gorgeous Aoife for ranting on about the books and all for a whole year in college so that I surely could not miss their existence. As a consequence when I ran out of reading material, having just arrived in Norway I searched the English section of the library in Egersund and the only thing I could find, that halfway caught my attention was Twilight. Slightly grumbly at the fact of having to read "teenage kitsch" I started the books and for the first around 100 pages I felt very justified with my earlier judgement.

....BUT I read the first book in a very short time even sacrificing a night because I couldn't put the book down. Well the next step was crystal clear I had to get hold of the remaining volumes ASAP!!!!! No options! I've watched all of the movies by now and am impatiently waiting for the release of "Breaking Dawn".

But I'm soo fascinated by the effect this story is having on me!!! It made realize that there is nothing wrong with a decent portion of Passion ... be it for the man in my life, for music, for my wishes and goals or anything else that touches me ... and there is nothing wrong with expressing that either. And there is certainly nothing wrong with focusing on pursuing goals! I had somehow forgotten about all of that... won't happen again.

Thank you Stephenie Myers for writing the books, thanks Aoife for making sure I know about them, thank you Muse for making brilliant music, thank you Oyvind for loving me!